Posts Tagged ‘shit’


March 15th, 2009

Today Chris and I went out running errands and around 3:00 PM he asked me what I wanted for lunch. Since I hate making decisions I told him that it was for him to decide. He suggested Chipotle but I wasn’t in the mood for it so he mentioned sandwiches. I said sure but then he asked me if I wanted them from Subway or Quizno’s. Both are near our apartment so it honestly didn’t matter to me.

On the way home was a Quizno’s so we stopped there. For the local people (Fresno/Clovis area) reading this, it is the Quizno’s off of Shaw and Villa.

The last time we visited that Quizno’s they were ridiculously slow and it seemed like today was no different. There was a lady behind the counter who had to have been in her 50’s and she was the one making the sandwiches. Now… in no way am I saying that people in their 50’s are slow at making sandwiches or slow in general, I was simply letting you know what we were dealing with.

She was already helping one guy and there was another man waiting who seemed to grow impatient. Instead of ordering a sandwich he grabbed a cookie, paid for it, and left leaving Chris and I next in line. When it was our turn we were still undecided on what we wanted, since there are so many different options, and instead of the lady standing there she started fiddling around with stuff.

I want to point out that she was still wearing the food service gloves from when she was helping out the guy before us.

While wearing the gloves she started to disassemble the deli slicer, lifting the shield (google it if you don’t know what part I’m referring to) and taking it to the back area. Since we weren’t done yet deciding, she then grabbed a rag and started cleaning the counter area underneath the deli slicer and touching other things…. all while wearing the same gloves.

Are you starting to detect a pattern here?

Before coming back to where we were she threw away whatever cloth thing she was rubbing on the counter and asked us if we were ready. I had decided that I was going to have a turkey sandwich and Chris was asking which meat was used in the Prime Rib one.

Chris is a freak about germs and notices little things that I normally wouldn’t because I just don’t, and I am honestly shocked that he wasn’t picking up on what I was seeing. When Chris told her what he wanted to order and the type of bread, there she went…. old gloves and all.

This crazy lady, who obviously knows nothing about being sanitary, started touching the bread that she was going to use to make our sandwiches. With the same glove, she grabbed his meat to toss in that beef broth they have (in which that actually creeps me out because I always think of cross contamination but whatever…), and she started cutting the bread.

As discretely as I could I whispered to him about what I had seen. Immediately I saw panic in his eyes and I knew that our Quizno’s adventure was over - as well it should have been! (By the way… I am laughing about the panic in his eyes as I am typing this and when I told Chris he says to me “that’s nasty ass shit.” Straight from his mouth.)

We then tried to think of a way to get out of there and got pretty damn uncomfortable since she was already brothing his beef. We told her that he had changed his mind and we pretended to converse between each other before seeing a moment where we could bolt.

Needless to say our mood for sandwiches was ruined and ended up going to Yosemite Falls Cafe where he got a massive 1 pound burger and I got a tasty turkey sandwich with chicken noodle soup.

I highly doubt we will ever be going to that Quizno’s location ever again, and it will be a long time before we even eat at any of their locations.

Ew, ew…. and ew.

- She Who Has The Last Word

lindsey Uncategorized , , , , , , , ,

Think Geek, FTL

March 12th, 2009

Earlier last week I placed an order with Think Geek. I had never ordered anything from them before but Chris had. I was familiar with their products and if I had all the money in the world, I would probably order one of everything they sell because they have some pretty awesome stuff.

One of the things I ordered was this putty type stuff that is used to help fix electronics. Chris has had problems with his iPhone since last year when he dropped it. One of the wires that connects the battery popped off so at random times his phone shuts off. He also has to watch his battery life because if it gets below the halfway point it will shut off.

It has caused a lot of frustration for him, which is understandable, so instead of shelling out hundreds of dollars for a new phone we decided to try that goopy stuff. Since I wanted something for myself, I started browsing the site.

About a month ago I saw a “FTW” mug that I thought was awesome so I added that to the order as well. I was really excited about the mug because I was planning on using that as my official cup for when we do our MehCasts. I knew it wasn’t going to arrive by last Friday but I was hopeful about it being here for tomorrows show.

Around 4:30 yesterday I got a call from the delivery company sayng that there was a problem in that they couldn’t find our apartment or that they didn’t have our apartment number which is odd because when I created my account on Think Geek I put in the apartment number. Oh well. Anyways, after that was straightened out they told me they would be delivering it today but I wasn’t given a time.

That brings me to this morning. Around 9:30 there was a knock at the door. Chris was home and was just about to leave to go to work so he answered the door and signed for the package. I immediately knew what it was and got so stoked! Chris came into the bedroom with the package because I was still in bed (it’s toasty OK?) and opened it.

First thing he pulled out was his stuff that he will be trying out tonight, second thing he pulled out was their catalog they send with orders, and then he reached for the mug that was in a huge coat of bubble wrap.

As he was lifting it, you could hear a clanking sound as if something was inside the mug and moving around. Upon closer inspection you could see what was making the noise……

My poor mug arrived to me with a broken handle   :(

So now I have to contact them, ship the broken bastard back and wait for another one to come. Knowing my luck, that one will have some flaw as well.

I’m sad because I was wanting it so badly but now I have nothing! Tomorrow night on the show I will sadly be using just a regular glass. Nothing special, nothing fantastic…….

Nothing full of win.

- She Who Has The Last Word

(and just to clarify, I know it’s not their fault. It was probably the shippers who broke my poor baby.)

lindsey Uncategorized , , , , , , , ,

I curse you SmileCare!!!11eleven!!

March 11th, 2009

I hate the dentist.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I feel that I can properly rant about the bullshit that occurred this past Saturday.

Before I get into that, here is what happened last year:

Towards the end of March I knew I needed to make an appointment to see the dentist (it had been AGES since I had seen one). Having Denti-Cal, it makes it really hard to find somebody who is accepting new patients with that insurance. I don’t feel like going to the ghetto nor do I feel like going to some shady place.

Since my Mom has the same dental insurance that I do, I gave her a call and she recommended one of the SmileCare locations she had been to. My Mom has a lot of health issues and unfortunately they took a toll on her teeth. They became really brittle and started to break. Nothing could have been done to preserve them so back in 2003, at the age of 42, she had to have every single one of them removed. It was really hard on her but I distinctly remember her loving her dentist. She said that he was incredibly sweet, understanding, helpful, and that he did a good job. All of those qualities are something that I think all dentists should have, yet they don’t.

I trust my Mom’s judgment so I called them and was seen. The guy I had, Dr G. (an abbreviation of a very long and complicated last name), was hilarious. I had 9 cavities but was told that a good majority of them were little babies, except for 1. I trusted Dr G. when he told me that I could easily have some of them worked on without any numbing, so I did. I had 5 of them worked on and it was a breeze. The sound of the drill didn’t bother me, the pressure didn’t bother me, and he was nice enough to give me the white fillings instead of the metal.

With my anxiety, I knew that the sight of metal fillings would weird me out. Just seeing a permanent change done and with no way of getting rid of it really messes with me. With the white fillings, you see nothing. It looks as if nothing happened, which is just what I like.

After the 5 of them were done I was really light headed so I told him that I could no longer keep going for that day. He was sweet, understanding, and said no problem. Before I left I made an appointment for the following Saturday because I wanted to get it all done with as quickly as possible.

When I went back for my second visit Dr G. was nowhere in sight. The small, yet important to me, detail that him and another dentist switch Saturdays wasn’t told to me. I sat in the chair and all of a sudden this woman comes at me with the swab to numb my gums. I had no idea who she was, she didn’t say anything to me, didn’t introduce herself, and for all I know she could have been an assistant.

She was the dentist.

That immediately made me anxious because I didn’t trust this barbaric woman to get near me. I asked her if I could have a minute and I was very nice about it. Apparently she was on her rag because she answered me with a very bitchy answer, “Fine, I have other patients to attend to.”

I would have appreciated her asking if I was fine, if there was anything wrong, maybe some reassurance… but no. I get mega bitch.

That didn’t settle too well with me and about a minute later some lackey comes and tells me that if I want to make another appointment, I can. It was obvious that the dentist sent her in because she wanted to get rid of me. I said, “fine” and grabbed my things. Before I left I let the front desk know what the dentist did and that I wasn’t happy with it.

A week or two later I got a phone call from them saying how I still had work that needed to be done but I told them about the lady dentist and how I didn’t want to go back. Over the next few months, until July when I changed my phone and the phone number, I would get calls from them trying to get me to make an appointment but I never did.

That brings me to last week. I knew that I needed to get the other ones finished up, especially the big one. I had seen a picture of it and knew that there was no way in hell I could get that done without any Novocaine, but I was afraid of the Novocaine. I’m terribly afraid of needles so the thought of one going into my mouth just freaks me out. Also, I’m afraid of the numb feeling. I know that might seem strange but I’m afraid that when I have the numb feeling I will have a panic attack. It’s hard to explain but unless you who are reading this have had a panic attack, you won’t really understand and that’s fine.

Another thing that kept running through my head was that I had to get it done and taken care of before it turned into a root canal. I might be afraid of needles, but a root canal is like the end of the world for me. I know what happens during those and if I can avoid it, you bet your sweet ass I’m going to.

I knew I had to get in as soon as possible so I went and googled up local dentists who were taking my insurance. Going back to SmileCare wasn’t an option. Many were no longer accepting the insurance (surprise, surprise), many weren’t accepting any new patients with the insurance, many weren’t accepting any adults with the insurance, any many were only children dentists (something that would have been nice to know instead of them being listed as general).

I started to get very frustrated and even wanted to cry because my options were getting to be very limited and I had a gut feeling that I would end up at SmileCare.

Finally, after about 2 hours of calling around, I threw in the towel. I gave them a call and asked if Dr. G was still there. I was told that he was but he wouldn’t be in until the 16th due to him being on his honeymoon. I wasn’t going to hold that against him, and was actually really happy for him because he was a really nice guy. I asked who was working on Saturday and was told some ladies name. First time I did was ask if she was the same devil woman from a year ago. To my delight, I was told that it was a French lady who was really nice and funny.

Nice and funny.

I can deal with nice and funny.

I made the appointment for 1 so that I could have breakfast, have a chance to relax, and just have time to compose myself. Hell, I even took some ibuprofen to help with the inflammation.

At 12:55 I arrive at SmileCare. The lady at the front desk asks me if I have an appointment and I tell her that yes, I do. I give her my name and she pulls up my information. What came out of her mouth pissed me off:

“We no longer accept your insurance.”


When I was on the phone making the stupid appointment the lady pulled up my account, and anybody who had the ability to see and read would have CLEARLY seen my insurance information.

Fucking peeved at this point I asked her since when. April 1st of last year was what she told me.

April 1st eh?

I was there in April of last year!!!

I got phone calls for months asking me to return and my insurance information would have came up with my contact information!!!

I asked if there was a supervisor available and, of course, there wasn’t. I wasted 3 business days waiting for that appointment. 3 business days that I could have used making phone calls to find a new dentist.

I fucking hate SmileCare. I fucking hate my insurance. I fucking hate the fact that when I get this god awful tooth worked on that it will be with some random stranger and that I will have to trust them.

I also fucking hate that I can only see the dentist on a Saturday due to Chris and I having 1 car. That limits where I can go and since I need to get in as soon as possible, I will probably go in this Saturday which is my Mom’s birthday.

I won’t have the time now to make a great lunch for her like I planned. I won’t get to EAT a lunch….well, I guess Cream of Wheat technically counts as food, but that’s besides the point


I hate the dentist….

- She Who Has The Last Word

lindsey Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , ,

Waiting for Watchmen

March 6th, 2009

Last night Chris and I attended the midnight premiere for Watchmen, and it was epic. Both Chris and I will be making a blog with our own personal reviews however this particular blog is to clue you in about the idiots we had to tolerate for 2 hours prior to the movie starting.

Earlier in the day we had picked up our tickets and some snackies because, let’s be honest, the prices for snacks at the theatre are absolutely ridiculous.

After doing some other things throughout the day we got ready and headed off to Edwards Theatre. Immediately we were shocked that there wasn’t a line outside. I made a remark to Chris that since it was cold, maybe they were allowing the line to be inside. He quickly disputed my idea stating that when the third Matrix movie was released it was December and they had the lines outside. Listening to him, I thought that maybe in the Fresno/Clovis area there weren’t a lot of Watchmen fans.

Since we already had our tickets we went on in and Chris asked if they were allowing the line to be inside, in which he was answered with a “yes.” Ah HAH! I was correct!

Chris had already eaten but I was starved but at 10:00 pm, my choices in the area were really limited. Most of the eating establishments in the area were closed so I had to accept my fate and get raped by the concession stand. Chris went to get our place in line while I proceeded to order. The hotdog I got was gross. The bun was dry and I seriously wanted to die after eating it. The soft pretzel I got was just OK but for some reason the salt on it really crunched between my teeth and I got worried! I thought… “oh great, here I go cracking a tooth on something so silly as salt.” Luckily my chompers were fine (tomorrow is a different story for when I go to the dentist…ugh) and I think I had like 8 sips from the large soda I got.

$5.50 for a large soda! I couldn’t believe it!

I thought I as going to have a heart attack because, and this might make me sound old, I remember a time where I could get a large soda for under $2.50. What made me shake my head was the fact that a medium was $5.00 yet for 50 cents more you could get the large which was significantly larger and came with free refills. What a fucking jip!

Anyhoo… luck was on our side because we got to actually sit in the theatre and wait rather than having to wait outside or stand for an hour and a half however I got the wonderful honor of having some asshole sitting next to me.

Chris was tired and fell asleep on my shoulder for a little over an hour so he didn’t get the pleasure of hearing the douche.

Here is how it went:

A guy sat two seats to the right of me and he was fine. Very quiet, kept to himself, no problem. 15 minutes after he sat down a large group of his friends arrived. He moved further down, closer to the aisle, and I got some loud mouth prick 3 seats away.

I really wanted to smack the guy… but I refrained.

This guy was under the sad assumption that he was indeed Chris Rock. I got to hear him rattle on and on about comic movies. Hearing him rant about comic movies made me sick to my stomach because geeks have a bad rep as is. We don’t need this dick making us look worse.

He constantly used the word son as in, “Yo, that shit was tight son!” I also got to hear “n***a” an obscene amount of times.

“Oh fuck Spiderman son! Fucking Peter Parker is a broke ass n***a!”

“Watchmen is like X-Men on drugs son. It’s a dark ass comic.”

“Iron Man is a straight up pimp. He’s got money, bitches, and a suit made of iron n***a!”

Never in my life have I valued the true English language until last night.

After more of his stupid comments Chris finlly woke up, just in time for them to air “The Twenty” which is a segment that lasts for 20 minutes right before the previews begin. Sometimes they show some decent stuff like trivia, spoilers for popular TV shows, and other stuff.

Instead of getting something good we got to hear/see (for the millionth time mind you) Kid Rocks shitty song about the military. It’s not a good song, he can’t sing to save his life, and I really don’t care to hear it while I am waiting for a movie.

Finally after suffering through about two hours of bullshit the lights went down, the previews started, and that is where this blog will end because what happened after that is meant for an entirely different blog.

Fun times though, eh?

- She Who Has The Last Word

lindsey Uncategorized , , , , , ,


March 4th, 2009

A few weeks ago I submitted a support ticket to my company’s IT department regarding my mouse.  It was a standard optical mouse, and for the most part worked fine, except for the scroll wheel, which refused to scroll.  I use the scroll wheel often, so this was a problem.  I requested a replacement mouse, and was provided with one shortly thereafter.  However, it seems to me that my fortunes are now lower than they were with the stuck scroll wheel.

Why, do you ask?  I can answer that in six simple words.


It is not an optical mouse.


Anyone who has used the style of mouse before optical came to be should know of the shortfalls that come with it.  Today, I found myself once again pulling the mouse ball from the bottom and scraping the collected gunk from the three wheels to restore mouse functionality.


I haven’t had to do that for years.


It’s not a good nostalgiac feeling.


-Because I said so

chris Uncategorized , , , ,

Super Poopy Duper!

March 2nd, 2009

Around 2 PM today I took Donnie out for a walk so that he could do his business. To the right of our apartment door there is a nice grassy area that goes the entire length of the complex. I typically take him around that area instead of through gravel or on pavement.

I noticed that he kept wanting to go towards the parking lot but there really is no grass in that area except for what is in front of our bastard neighbors. After him only going pee I decided to let him roam around the area he kept tugging me to.

He started to go around their front door and immediately the first thought in my head was, “Oh no, watch him totally take a dump on their doorstep.” I don’t care for the neighbors and would have gotten a laugh out of it. Instead he started pacing around their grass and totally dropped a fat one.

Even though I despise the guy living next to me I did the right thing by picking it up and throwing it away (not with my bare hands you sickos, but with the little doggie baggy thing we have attached to his leash).

Thank you Donnie for taking a much needed shit on our neighbors. You truly are a badass dog!

- She Who Has The Last Word

lindsey Uncategorized , , , , , ,

Donnie the Dog

January 26th, 2009

Lindsey and I have a dog named Donnie.  We did not name him.  We adopted him in May of 2008, at the ripe old age of 4 years, and the name came with him.  I like to think it’s short for something cool, like Donatello.  More likely, it’s an homage to Donnie from the New Kids on the Block.

Such is life.

Anyway, we come to the point of our rambling.  We have not paid a pet deposit to our new apartment complex, so he can not be with us quite yet.  He is currently residing at my mother’s house.  While there is a lot of room for him to play (and crap all over, the little shit machine), he does not receive a great deal of attention.  With my schedule the way it was last week, I wasn’t able to make it over to see him, which means he hasn’t seen me in almost (but not quite) two weeks.  As I entered the garage this afternoon and called to him, he bolted for me, almost sliding into the wall (he has a hard time slowing down on cement, it makes him slide in a silly way).  Before I was able to kneel down to start petting him, he ran up and started licking the closest thing he could reach: my jeans, a little less than knee high (he’s a terrier-chihuahua mix, very short little shitter).  He missed me very much, and made quite the fool of himself when he saw me (the little shit factory that he is).

He shit on the carpet once.  A very nice, very expensive Persian hand-woven rug.  He also shit on the garage welcome mat, but I didn’t notice that one until I had ruined my favorite flip-flops in it.  You’ll just have to pardon me for holding his fascination with shitting all over creation against him.

-Because I said so

chris Uncategorized , , ,